Friday, August 17, 2012

Top Ten Reasons I Could Never Date a Highlander

You would understand this if you read
"So you're interested" in this section

Wal-Mart Has a No Shoes, No Shirt Policy 
Though it’s great you look hot in a kilt, when I need you to pick up the groceries I’d rather you make it through the door. 

Your Sword Gets in the Way of Foreplay
You can swing it two handed and thrust people against the wall. Too bad we’re not talking about sword junior. That thing is sharp, take it off so you don’t cut off my pinkie. 

Monogamy is Sexy and You Don’t Practice It 
I’m aware that you’re used to Scotland being a Man’s World, but here in America vicious things happen to men who bed other women while requiring faithfulness from their wives. STDs suck, and you most certainly have them. 

Children are Best in Pairs 
Not broods, not dozens. Two. Maybe three. And you damn well better be there to change a diaper Mr. Daddy, because it took two to create this poopy goodness and it takes two to clean it off the baby. 

You Have no Marketable Skills 
I feel very safe knowing you can hack our neighbor into 6.5 pieces in just under 50 seconds, but I really need to know you can use Microsoft Office, wear a tie and show up to work on time. 

Virginity is Expected 
…of me and not of you? No, hun. I don’t think so. 

You Bathe in the Ocean 
Fish pee in that thing. Stop playing hero and get out before an undertow makes you drown or an octopus wants a snack.

When You Marry, Your Family Comes, Too 
Your uncle smells and your cousin eats all our food. 
p.s. - I'm not that fond of your mother.       

You’d Confuse My Friends 
Are you stripping, are you not? Should they insert a dollar bill beneath your plaid and exactly what’s up that skirt?? 

I Don’t Like Bag Pipes 
Jazz is a stretch for me, sweetheart. 
Bag Pipes sound like drowning kittens.

This Highlander rant brought to you by 
the frustrations of Sallie and the incredible talent of author Julieanne Reeves.

Julieanne's debut novel "Razing Kane" will be out soon.
Stay tuned for details.


  1. LOL Thanks, Sallie! I'm not sure whether I helped or hindered, but I'll graciously take the credit.

  2. Hahaha! That made me laugh! So cute.

    1. Thanks Lexi. I was writing a review for a Historical and couldn't get the flow right. So I sent it to Julieanne Reeves and took out my frustrations on the poor Highlander.

  3. Lol you guys are awesome! I still would like to find out what's up his skirt though ;-)

    1. Thanks, Stephanie! And your concern falls under "You'd Confuse My Friends."

      Those poor, muscled Highlanders. They just won't do.

  4. Bwahaha! This is too funny, I can't stop laughing. My favorite has to be STDs thing followed by the brood. Ow, my sides hurt. Despite all those more than reasonable cons, I'd still date a Highlander. I guess the bulging ... muscles and the Kilt still get me ever time. Well, at least KMM's Highlanders did it for me. Again and again and again ;) I love this post. I think I'll print it out, frame it and hang it in my office.

    1. Obviously my spelling and grammar suck when I'm trying to type while laughing at the same time :/

    2. You are too sweet to me.

      I love historicals. I really do, but every time I read their idiotic double standard about women being chaste and modest and men being male whores I grit my teeth.

      This is my response to that.

    3. Then you've been reading the wrong stuff, my dear. I don't like any of the traits you mentioned either, but the Highlanders I've read have been the complete opposite.

    4. Give me titles, authors and links.

    5. And do you know any that have women who *horror!* have slept with more than one man?

      I've read books about widows (so there's one guy prior) and one book with a woman who slept with her fiancé who totally screwed her over, but these men have HUNDREDS of women. One guy was even sleeping around while he was trying to win his woman's heart for three years. REALLY??

    6. Check out my shelf of Highlanders:

      I don't recall if the women in these books were "experienced" or not. I don't like books with "manwhores", but if the Highlander happens to be immortal, then it stands to reason that he's been around the mound a few times in his lifetime.

      "One guy was even sleeping around while he was trying to win his woman's heart for three years."

      I don't even want to know what book that was from :/

  5. Freaking hilarious!!! Love me some Scots, but this is so funny!

    1. Awww, thanks Rosanna!!

      I love that sexy librarian av you've got going. When your book cover changes I'll be devastated!

  6. Amusing and awesome post. The highlander's and their kilts are so sexy. I fall in love every time.

    1. Thanks. Us and everyone else fall in love. Every. Time. :)

  7. Love this post! Pay attention, Mr. Scot. Talk about a new twist of dating a modern non-highlander lass... this is it!

    1. I love how you got so excited you commented twice! Glad you enjoyed it.

      I bet you there are some time traveling romances where a Highlander finds a modern I have to find some and read'em.

  8. Pay attention to this blog, Mr. Scot. If you want a modern, non-highlander lass, please read above!

    Talk about a new twist! LOL! Love this post! :)


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